You've Got a Friend in Me

For me, there are several clauses in the friendship agreement: sharing parts of our lives--in sadness and in health, helping out when possible, understanding each other's quirks, accepting the fact that each other is different and learning to respect the different perspectives that our friends may have.
I may come up with some other things as I go, but those are the things that really means something for me which comes as priorities for me in my relationships with my close friends.

In the past week, I no longer understand what friendship means to some people I'm friends with. 

One friend who always call me to talk about her problems even in ungodly hours said that I suffer from a chronic 'hero syndrome' and that I should not let helping other people distract me from my own focus. 

I defended myself and said that what bothers me was people pouring their problems and their negativity on me all the time without trying to find any solution. And so I tried to find solutions for them, or at the very least I told them my take on things. I ended the conversation as soon as possible and I started to cry.

I sobbed and sobbed and the tears just would not stop. I did not see that one coming. I was simply heartbroken. There was no anger there, just utter sadness. The sadness that stems from the fact that my philosophy on friendship was dismissed as 'chronic hero syndrome' (which I was suggested to stop doing) by my best friend who seeks my counsel all the time and by the same logic probably suffers from 'damsel in distress syndrome'.

And the next day, she texted me again to complain about another problem.

...

Another dear friend of mine has also come to me with her problems--one of those problems is not having a place to stay during the weekdays. She asked to stay at my house, but my housemate refused and I also don't think it's a good idea--I just don't have the heart to tell her bluntly. I love her so much so that it hurts to see her so clueless, not knowing which path to take and not having a place to come home to.

When I told our mutual friend about this, she said: "You're one of the people she depended on. Luckily, I'm not (one of those people)." Her words froze me. I told her that I didn't feel it's my loss if this friend depends on me, I like helping her out, it's just that I'm sometimes tired and when I'm tired I'm not as accepting as I usually am. She replied, "I'm not talking about material gains/losses, it's just that because she doesn't depend herself on me I can channel my energy to other more beneficial things."

I did not reply.

I feel that my friend depended on me because she trusted me, trusted my judgment. And I am both honored and humbled by it. I see nothing wrong in helping people, in simply listening to their problems, in trying to help her put her life back on track. If channeling my energy to my personal relationships with my close friends   is not beneficial, I don't know what is.

But to each their own.

...

I don't have tons of friends. I prefer to have small circles of friends around me, with whom I can share parts of my life with and in turn share parts of their lives with me. Relationships are living organisms with different dynamics. Some grows and continues to grow, wheathering the storms, and adjusting to the changes that time brings. Some others bloomed to perfection and then simply wilted, unable to be revived.

I have to grow too, as a person and as a friend. But my friendship clauses will stick with me to the end.

meet my daughter!

Today I was informed that the adoption process went through and I have a new daughter! I'm so excited! :)  Her name is Kesi, she lives in Kalimantan, and I may never be able to see her (though I want to see her, maybe next year). She is a baby orangutan, and she lost one of her hands because of the big bad poachers roaming about the island trying to make a quick cash.

Kesi in the reserves

I am so glad to be able to help Kesi and the nice people caring for her at the Borneo Orangutan Survival Foundation. I have always wanted to help orangutan conservation but never knew how I can directly help them. There are ways to volunteer in the centers but it is very expensive, and I cannot make it my priority for now. These lovely creatures are facing extinction because of our greed. Some of them are casualties of forest clearing for palm oil plantations (BURNED ALIVE! I cried when I saw the pictures :'( ) and some others are seen as pest for palm oil plantations, which is why they were poisoned and/or violently tortured to death. 

I have been actively reducing the use of palm oil derivative products in my daily life (which is somewhat difficult!) and I seek to use products that are planted in a sustainable way in line with the RSPO. A friend of mine told me about this adoption last week and I knew that this is something I can do, at least for a start and better than doing nothing! The adoption process started when I emailed them, and it was quite speedy. I am very delighted to receive the adoption package in my email this morning. This is something I will continue to do in the years to come, supporting Kesi and her friends in every which way that I can. And you can adopt too! It really is not expensive, only USD 40 for a 3 month period (or an equivalent of IDR 350,000). Alternatively, you can adopt for 6 months with USD 80 and 12 months with USD 160. Visit the foundation's website to start adopting now, and start giving back to Mother Nature! :)

PS: click on the shared adoption part in brown to see the cute babies that you can adopt.

PPS: I am sad to see that Indonesian Palm Oil Producer Association has withdrawn their membership from RSPO. I hope this will not mean a worse future for Indonesia's forests and wildlife :(

there is no frigate like a book

THERE is no frigate like a book
To take us lands away,
Nor any coursers like a page
Of prancing poetry.
This traverse may the poorest take	5
Without oppress of toll;
How frugal is the chariot
That bears a human soul!

This poem by Emily Dickinson was one of the poems which ring oh-so-true to my life. As an avid reader since I was little, books offer me the immense pleasure of peeking into people's lives, being in someone else's shoes, and traveling to faraway (and sometimes imaginary) places.


In my early years, I even thought that maybe I was just a character in a book someone was reading, that all of my actions and my thoughts were viewed by someone out there in a universe different from the one I live in. I still think that way until now, to be honest. And whenever that thought occurred, I would be more self-conscious about my breathing, my moving hands, and all of my senses which convinced me that I am real and alive. Most of the time I was not convinced, though. 


Living in a house full of books since I was born, I cannot imagine not having a bookshelf in my house. A home library would be a dream come true! This is what my bookshelf looks like nearly a year ago.

Now it's much more messier and it houses more books than this and less of the cluttery non-books items as shown here. But this is what I dream my future home would have:

full wall shelves and a comfortable reading space... ah the dream!

And yet I sometimes wonder whether this dream of mine would come true in the digital age? E-books and e-book readers are one of the hottest things nowadays. Reuters quoted the Association of American Publishers data which showed e-book sales in the US spiked more than 159.8 percent to $233.1 million in the first quarter of 2011 compared to the previous year; meanwhile, during the same period, print books sales declined 23.4 percent. Amazon said it currently sells more e-books than paper books.

For voracious readers, e-book readers provide the freedom to bring most, if not all, of one's collection in a very light way. You can bring an entire library on your round-the-world trip, on your sunbathing sessions at the beach, on your commuting trip to work, and practically everywhere. Your stylish totebag can bring hundreds of e-books but it cannot contain hundreds of paper books, can it? Feel free to try, though, and good luck with that!

the iPad on the top can contain the e-book version all of the thick books below and many many more

shoedazzle said my style is romantic, poetic, and eclectic

Walking from one post to another at TechCrunch.com, I stumbled across a post on how the women ruled the internet, especially on the social and shopping sites. And that post then managed to lure me to open Shoedazzle. Their tagline read "Style. Personified" and their promise to figure out my style and find fashion products which suit my style intrigued me.

The above picture is what my style is according to the choices I made in the quiz. I hit the continue button and was presented with six shoes, two handbags, as well as a set of earrings and necklace to accentuate my look. They also said that my stylists are creating my personalized selection and my showroom would be ready in 24 hours. So while I am waiting for my stylists to work (oh dear God it feels nice to be able to say "my stylists" as if I'm some sort of socialite-fashionista), I'm going to post some of the selections that MY STYLISTS thought suit me well. And I personally think they have done a great job so far. I have not seen any selection that I would not wear.

Following is the short list of recommended items, aren't they lovely?

work from home: blessing or curse?

Early this year I spent several months working from home, doing odd translation and writing jobs. Let me tell you one thing: I suck at working from home. There's just too many distractions, too many things I'd rather be doing rather than working. So i decided to go out to the library or any given cafes or anywhere I can use the internet connection from. But I ended up paying more for food and drink than I should.

I know a lot of freelancers out there share my dilemma. Working from home is not as fun as it sounds. I need a separation between my work life and my home life, and there was no such thing when I worked from home.

I was sipping my daily dose of A Cup of Jo when I stumbled upon her post in which she was looking for a shared work space. In New York, like-minded people created independent workspaces which gives you the workspace and the freedom you need to work.

One of them is Paragraph, a workplace for writers. It looks quite peaceful and comfortable, exactly the kind of place writers need. No distractions..... hmm.... really? Well that entirely depends on whether you're the kind of person who likes to chat up the person next to you on the bus or as antisocial as Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.

Another group (I don't know what these are, are they a company? A sort of cooperative? So I just decided to call them group, for want of a better word) offering a similar service is In Good Company. It's not aimed solely for writers, but it is dedicated for women entrepreneurs.

Bottomline, human interaction is essential to any work life. It is much better to have co-workers rather than having nobody to gossip with!

making the rounds

What's your hobby?

My obsession is blogwalking. I can spend hours poring over blog after blog after blog, being truly unproductive and wasting the company's resources. What have I been obsessing about? A great range of things, from retracing the pregnancy story of the lovely Joanna Goddard with her adorable husband and her uber-cute baby boy to the wackier-by-the-minute so-called-fashion-blogger Diana Rikasari (I'm sorry if you're a fan, but I just don't get her. Plus I don't think she wears those things outside of her room).

And I can spend hours reading posts, finding connections, connecting the dots, which results in an unhealthy obsession on Bobby Hicks and Keiko Lynn (although of course I'm more attracted to the hip-cool-sweet-trendy-cute-smart Bobby *snickers*).

It's usually temporary though, my obsession changes daily.

Today I'm obsessing on Apartment Therapy and how put together people's homes are. I instantly became super aware of my own house and how messy it is in comparison. I'm the type of person with a mixed obsessive-compulsive traits. I can't sleep if I haven't brush my teeth, but I'll sleep like a baby on top of dirty clothes. Sick, I know. Haha..

Anyways, I stumbled upon a great post on Apartment Therapy that might work for me to help me clean the house. I tend to postpone cleaning until... well.. forever. But I keep my sink clean almost all the time! See how mixed I am? To keep the long story short, I will do as suggested by the great people on Apartment Therapy: clean for 20 minutes each day for the next 30 days until it became a habit. See here for the post and wish me luck!!

so

First off, happy new year!!

Now to business.

I have been and will always be terrible at keeping diaries, journals, blogs, what-have-you.

I love fancy diaries, I adore moleskine, but it's best if I don't buy them at all because I will only be donating my money to the bookstores and fancy journal makers but I will not put my journals to its best use.

This blog is the perfect example. See the timestamp of the last post and you will know what I mean.

I completely forgot that this blog even existed and would probably never open it again if my dear friend Bulan didn't tell me that she read my blog.

I was like, "Huh? What blog? Do I even have one?"

And I really didn't remember anything about it. I didn't even remember the address of the blog in question. *Forgive me, blogspot, for I have sinned*

Anyhoo..

It's a new year, a fresh start is in order.

Let's make this a challenge, shall we, to make things interesting?

I'll challenge myself to write three posts per week, minimum, and we'll see if the habit grew on me.

xoxo,

S